hollaback_
Sunday, July 02, 2006
sometimes i wonder what would have happened if i'd taken a totally different route.
if i had gone to HC instead.. ABC would/could/might have happened.
if i had gone to VJ instead.. DEF would/could/might have happened.
but those are but just mere possibilities.
and think about it this way. if i'd not gone where i'd gone, GHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ would not have happened.
so all in all, i made
a good the best possible choice out of all that i was offered (a la Econs MCQs).
mike just took up your time at
5:00 pm
Sunday, June 25, 2006
i read an article in the papers some time ago. the subject was on "pruning the friendship tree".
in short, the gist is this. people change along the way of life. common points and interests might wane. people drift, and the writer wrote about how she decided to make a clean break from people she was no longer close to. there was no point in continuing ambiguous relationships that wavered between friendship and acquaintancy. so every few years it's time to take stock and trim away the fat, so to speak.
as for me, i've been using the same number ever since the first day i got a handphone. i just deleted many numbers of people whom i will no longer ever be in contact with. you could call it moving on in a way. clearing out the trash, since they no longer figure.
friends walk with you through your life, seeing you through the good times and the bad. they are associated with landmark events, and taking them out of the equation blurs its significance. the question here is, is it right to chop off people like that? or to just let a friendship die a slow death. where phonecalls, smses and meetups dwindle to the point of zero, along with awkward greetings on the streets. got quite a bit of that.
family can't be chosen, but friends can. every friend we make is a conscious choice. there is only so much emotional energy and time that one can invest in others. instead of spreading the love around thinly, would it be wiser to concentrate ourselves on less. when you spend time with some, wouldn't it be annoying to be reminded at the back of your head that there are people you haven't seen in a really long time? maybe the truth of the matter is, you're just not into each other that much anymore. remember the excuses? too busy, not enough time. honey, you're no longer integral.
cut off the unsightly branches that only weigh yourself down. the leaves are wilting. branches aren't the most important parts of the tree anyway. one can survive without so many and new ones grow all the time, but roots are essential. i refuse to uproot old roots, even if they might be decaying. at least they are still grounded in the permanency of the past. these must never die.
if it were up to me, i would be a shrub and not a tree. i want to be full of roots, and do away with the branches.
mike just took up your time at
3:48 pm
Saturday, June 17, 2006
if anyone still reads this nowadays, and really wants me to update, then drop me a tag. i will oblige, if the demand is there.
if not, it's time for blogicide.
mike just took up your time at
12:05 pm
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
debilitating between two domiciles, today i feel like doctor jekyll.
mike just took up your time at
12:58 pm
Friday, May 26, 2006
so the other day i went back to school and caught
Shifting Gears. pretty decent acting overall. really loved the 2 Agents and the supernatural maid. loved the set (though not as grand as Daisy's) and the ingenious incorporation of technology into theatre. that was the part which i was most impressed by. didn't really like the way both plays kind of dragged on after a while. there was a climax; the denouement was too long.
seeing so many new faces must only mean one thing - i'm getting too old too quickly.
mike just took up your time at
12:02 pm
Saturday, May 20, 2006
the army has taught me how to ingeniously and succinctly combine 3 languages into a short, simple and effective phrase. well technically the last one isn't really a language, but for classification purposes it'll do as one.
"fuck 你 leh!!"such profundity. oh and another one.
"just 吃 lor!!"the deft way in which english, mandarin, and singlish are all woven intricately together effortlessly astounds me. the seamless transition from one tongue to the next as the sharp syllables clang against each other resound in a cosmic shattering of our prior understanding of what it means to speak properly.
i am surrounded by caricatures of life, from things that remind me vaguely of mudskippers to other things that resemble trolls greatly. each stuck in its own little swirl of consciousness, believing itself to be right. when really, their levels of logic descend to unimaginable depths. i used to think that academic intellect didn't equate to common sense, but then yongquan reminded me that higher levels of education do indeed train the mind with greater rigour at each new step.
you know the chinese phrase about the frog at the bottom of the well? quite an apt metaphor this time, i think. figuratively and literally.
mike just took up your time at
1:12 am
Saturday, May 06, 2006
something to amuse you, the few who still read in this day and age of insane training in god-forsaken lands, internships to kill the time before matriculation and impromptu roadtrip backpacking holidays with the yaya sisterhoods.
the first one is uh.. nothing to say. the second one's weird. the third one's a stalker. the fourth and fifth.. just tell you that it takes all sorts to make up this loopy world, with its weird fetishes.
and chengchai amused me just now.
m!ke just watch me burn. says:
hey there
Virginia Woolf says:
who is THAT>m!ke just watch me burn. says:
me la
who else could it be
why?
Virginia Woolf says:
huh but that's not you
m!ke just watch me burn. says:
yes it is
Virginia Woolf says:
are you thinner and tanned?
m!ke just watch me burn. says:
yes.....
Virginia Woolf says:
are you like muscular now?
and you're not wearing specs anymore you vain vain person!
m!ke just watch me burn. says:
no la i still have glasses i just took that pic without specs
can't you see my tanlinei'm uh. more toned you could say.
Virginia Woolf says:
oh wow you've grown into a man!
m!ke just watch me burn. says:
HAHAHA
Virginia Woolf says:
i can;t wait to see you again
you shall astound me!
mike just took up your time at
1:31 am
Monday, May 01, 2006
i swear i'm going to get a car (or at least a driving licence) as soon as i can get one. taxi drivers could kill. literally. last night i was with a half deaf lunatic who reversed about half a road's length, and overshot a stop line at the traffic light only to reverse back behind it. he also intentionally took a fucking long route to get home when PIE would have been much faster, after getting lost in a labyrinth of carpark mazes in bishan. he also swerved suddenly on the road when he missed the entrance of my condominium when i shrieked "here!" and almost rammed down the wrong barricade because he "couldn't see the
taxi word". this made me very annoyed considering it was after midnight, on a sunday. which means a hell lot of surcharge. not surprisingly, it cost even more than my usual taxi fares to camp. which says alot.
it's also the first time i was outright rude to a taxi driver. normally i'm very polite to them. this is the service industry, after all. and what goes around comes around. but for this once, no "please"s and "thank you"s came from my mouth.
last night was also the first time i got a lift from a friend. i feel so adult. ian's car was nothing flashy, but it was a good feeling nonetheless. i feel like i've moved on to something bigger in life. some added touch of maturity. this will continue when i can vote, and when i can watch R rated movies. but as for now, i enjoy being a manboy, in the interim age when i'm not a teenager, but not quite an adult yet. (oh god, how britney spears.)
back to the topic of driving. public road driving this week. it's so ironic that i'll be driving a 22 ton pile of metallic junk before a real car. but then, it should be easier when it comes to the car, right? i want a flashy car. it won't be just the chicks loving me.
mike just took up your time at
5:48 pm
Sunday, April 23, 2006
the sound on my computer is down, and that means all my downloaded episodes cannot be played, since i would be watching a mute performance. neither can i listen to music! i have taken to transferring them to my handphone for perusal - yes i am that desperate. (ipod's not being used cos it's a bit screwy, and thinking of upgrading from a mini to a video soon anyway)
but you know, i don't really feel that bad that i'm missing the shows. in the past, i would have. but right now i'm really blase about it. i couldn't care less and i'm just happy that i have the opportunity to sit here and feel my fingers against the black, squarish keys. i guess that tells you how much i care about things in general these days.
tomorrow, i will begin to go back for physical training after being excused the past week or so. on one hand, i dread it greatly. especially since i'm behind everyone else. on the other hand, i hope to goodness it'll be useful and i can fucking book out early and book in late instead of the other damned way round.
fulfill their shitty criteria.
mike just took up your time at
7:08 pm
Saturday, April 22, 2006
because something has just happened to make me extremely upset, i shall come up with a meaningless musing that has absolutely nothing to do with, and is far from the matter that's bugging me.
i shall dissect lyrics from boyband songs! tearing them down in their inanity, proving to the world why they are an almost extinct breed. (damn those cockroaches!)
(taken from
as long as you love me, by backstreet boys)
I don't care who you are Where you're from What you did As long as you love methis makes no sense to me at all. because for people as popular as them (or at least during their heyday), they would have LOTS of people who loved them. are they supposed to get into polygamous relationships with every single one of them?
besides that, this reeks of desperation. is one to accept any tom, dick, and harry that comes along? (insert female equivalents for male readers, since the only one i can think of is harriet.) i would definitely give a damn about what kind of person my partner is. would you love a pus pool? i don't think i could. neither could i accept a bigot. there is definitely something wrong with this song and if anyone should croon this tune to you, you might want to evaluate your self-worth since s/he might be doing it wrong.
next up, i feel bad doing this to savage garden because they're not really a boyband per se, and their songs are usually much more decent. but this line really bugs me!
I knew I loved you before I met youi've got a simple question. how do you love someone/something that you don't even know exists? this baffles me. unless we take it to be literal, meaning that you might like an online friend (heh..) and fall in love even before seeing each other in a real setting. or the first "you" might be in reference to an idealised concept of a lover, which has been actualised and manifested in the second "you".
ok i take this way too seriously. but this immersion in frivolity is good for distraction.
mike just took up your time at
6:24 pm
Saturday, April 15, 2006
could you please just leave. nothing's ever good with you around.
and i found the cause, though i'm not exactly sure how to explain its occurence. this is mortifying, yet strangely satisfying to pinpoint. i hope i am not ruined.
mike just took up your time at
2:42 am
Friday, April 14, 2006
i think i'm almost in the clear, which is good. i don't like living with the threat of death hanging over my head. the saying goes, "to live each day as though it were your last". but i think i would rather live each day knowing hell yeah i'm going to live to a robust old age as a hearty senior citizen and die of natural causes in my golden years. but that's just me.
life should be looking better. and i stress,
should. because after having a sobering wake-up call to the frailties of human life, one goes back into the mire. and it's hard to stay positive when there's so much negativity surrounding this place. where falling out because of any reason whatsoever is met with an instantaneous
chaokeng! because either 1. people're jealous that they can't slack as well (case in point : someone who immediately told the Medical Officer the moment he saw him that he had "muscle inflammations", which was something someone else was
diagnosed with just 2 days ago, for real. no one speaks like that in normal, everyday slang. least of all someone who isn't good in english -
weird bugs is cheem angmoh!) due to their ineptitude in such tactical manoeuvres of malingering. or because 2. people are just too stupid to believe that injuries or illnesses can be legitimate.
oh, and superiors whose first thought is that one fails a test on purpose just so that one can attend to more urgent, life-threatening matters outside of an artificially stiff environment. granted, a rafflesian shouldn't fail a stupid test but neither would a rafflesian fail a test on purpose, intellectual pursuit and academic excellence and all that jazz. (not studying is one thing, studying and intentionally underperforming is another which i doubt any rafflesian with any pride would ever get down to) just wonderfully positive, it is!
and so, i was complaining about this to my mother the other day whilst we were having lunch. i was in my uniform, and my wild gesticulating induced by hysteria at the aforementioned superior's accusations on personal integrity caused a mishap with a cup of iced milo. then the most bizarre thing happened. a man who was walking by at that moment stopped, leaned in and over, looked me in the face, and pointed out in a highly grave tone,
"boy, you have dirtied your uniform."
NO SHIT !!!! he pointed out the most OBVIOUS thing, as if the useless breath of one-liner could dry my pants, or worse still, as if i couldn't feel the sinking, soaking feeling seeping through my (thankfully) camouflaged pants. in such a ridiculous moment of absurdity, i could only mutter "i know" because the situation left me utterly flabbergasted. i didn't see what the point of that was, maybe he thought his older man eyes were sharper and keener than my National Slave eyes, and if i am blind to the brown stains i must have lost my sense of smell and sense of touch as well. (not an utter impossibility considering the noxious fumes i inhale everyday) ugh. but the fact that i wear that getup means i'm supposed to be the bastion of integrity and honour, as some sort of ambassador to
that organisation, that i'm supposed to treat any civilian with respect and dignity, shut me up.
but really, people should learn to reign in advice or help sometimes because well-meaning or not, it could be very much unnecessary and unappreciated. as the chinese saying goes,
yuebangyuemang.
mike just took up your time at
12:10 pm
Sunday, April 09, 2006
if i died tomorrow or next month, how many people would feel sad? how many people would even care. who would miss me, and what would my funeral be like? will i be the talking point of mouths that are bored for the next month before the next unexpected young death?
i may be dead soon, and nothing about this is a joke.
mike just took up your time at
11:50 am
i definitely espouse healthy eating, if it's as delicious as this! cereal, bananas and raisins. wouldn't mind being a vegetarian if vegan meals were all so scrumptiously tasty. this is the kind of thing i get up to on a boring, cold, sunday morning. experimentation! (not that sort, of course.)
yumyumif anyone's even remotely wondering what the fuck i'm doing with my life these days, then click on the link, here.
yeah, the sole picture provided doesn't do much justice to that beastly behemoth. so maybe this might be better. i'm just surprised there's so much information readily available on the web. and they tell us that we can't take the manual out cos it's restricted. gee.
and i've gotten a new phone! specifically for use in the army, since it has no camera. i had a non-camera one but it was really old and the keypad was getting cranky. it was the one where the top could be flipped open to reveal a keyboard. and when you have to rely on that half the time it gets really annoying. especially when you're in a rush. so i love this one cos it's not only a slim candybar, unlike the previous chunky one, but it's also got this nice feel to it. the back feels like car leather. lol! and the best thing was that it cost nothing at all since my brother had to renew his plan so we decided to conveniently procure a new phone at the same time. the games look decent, and it has bluetooth which is VERY important. no radio, which is a bit of a downside but ultimately i love it!
waiting for university application results is nerve-wracking. i really don't know what i'd do if i don't make it to that course. i suppose there are paths aplenty that one can take, but that one seems the most alluring at the moment. and it would be nice to know that one has something to look forward to after all this surrealism.
life is getting better, i could get used to this i think. i'm just not very sure what i'll be at the end of the day.
mike just took up your time at
7:12 am
Sunday, April 02, 2006
on a very trivial and superficial note, i find it so fucking annoying that i'm losing my precious tan! the one that i cultivated so lovingly during BMT. the very nature of my job in the army now dictates that for the most part, i will be lovingly surrounded by all sorts of machinery in a little compartment, fighting off claustrophobia desperately, chugging along happily safe and snug, in a closed hatch hidden away from glorious, glowing sunlight UV rays!
and it had to come when my hair's growing back. so i either have no hair, with a tan. or hair, with no tan. can't have one's cake and eat it as well. this is making me one very unhappy boy indeed.
ah well. my job's really slack and stressful at the same time. that's highly paradoxical, but i kid you not. transporting people in an armoured personnel carrier's about the only thing i do. but at the same time the lives of 10, 11 people are in my hot little hands. and it's too heavy a responsibility that i don't enjoy carrying as a burden.
my life is now at a standstill.
mike just took up your time at
7:58 pm
Saturday, April 01, 2006
i find that these days, i don't even like to blogsurf that much anymore. long chunks of words put me off, unless they're written by me. i skip and hop to various online journals to merely skim through the lives of others who are all cut off from me. just to get a gist, a gist. that's really all that's important nowadays.
my life is void.
mike just took up your time at
6:51 pm
Sunday, March 26, 2006
the
hung up - get together - sorry opening trilogy on
Confessions on a Dance Floor chronicle the start and end of an obsession. absolutely applicable here. what a smart woman, she is.
mike just took up your time at
1:53 pm
Saturday, March 25, 2006
this is one of those times, when i wish i was a bleeding girl. (no pun intended) admittedly, these times don't come often. but when they do it really seems like the grass is more verdant and luxuriantly green on the other side. gah. right now, i just have crappy shit grass to contend with. not good, not good at all.
blogging about the army these days is not only boring, but potentially fatal. an expose threatens to explode through my hands, but i value my future more than my idealistic journalistic tendencies this time. BMT was all fine and dandy to talk about, but i need to watch my words more these days so- zip.
in any case, i have this suspicion that i'm going to end up as an empty shell of a human being by December08. scared into being a mindless drone with no heart. perhaps that would be physical manifestation enough. what you see is what you get, you can't sweep that under the rug. it would probably be too late by then. even if i broke it down into stages of a few months here and a few months there of different training programs, it's fucking long!!
i guess there really isn't anything worth talking about then, since censorship has now become an absolute prohibition.
maybe later.
mike just took up your time at
7:31 pm
Monday, March 20, 2006
still packing with the end nowhere in sight.
applications not done yet either.
yet all i care about right now, is the desire to call you
mybaby.
someday you will find mecaught beneath the landslideyou'll wake up one daybut it will be too late
mike just took up your time at
1:20 am
Sunday, March 19, 2006
things i have done in the past few days1 watched
Army Daze, thanks to dear K. great acting, but a disappointment with regard to the show's being true to life and therefore unreliable claims of "research being done to make the show more true to today's army"
2 rushed scholarship applications which i think was an utter waste of time since i haven't gotten any calls yet.
3 tried carl's jr. a tad overrated in my opinion, maybe i need to make better choices in the future.
4 came close to buying some nice books, but didn't because i thought borders would be cheaper than kino and i went to the latter first. kino was cheaper, but i was too lazy to go back again because my shoes were giving me blisters. borders is only good if you want a place to sit down, because kino has a much wider selection at better prices.
5 went to esplanade to check out Mosaic and laughed at this psychotic act cool guy who does choreographed mtv rock concert moves, and whose forehead kisses his organ. (fuck the last part sounds damn wrong)
6 briefly acquainted (about say 10 seconds) with a retard called Vanessa, whom i think i'll never be seeing ever again in my life, thank god.
7 plucked up my courage to do something, despite knowing that the chances of success would be almost nil. not giving up though. not now, not ever.
8 went clubbing and got drunk; no details given not because i don't remember a thing, but because it's not prudent to.
9 dentist's review; good to know that my diligence and discipline with my retainers is paying off.
10 ian's birthday party thing which was also a chance for the platoon to catch up and talk shit. watched part of the infamous "tammy" video, which was a huge snoozefest. i wonder if the guy feels relieved or disappointed that no one even gives a hoot about him, since everyone's just obsessed with his really ugly ex-girlfriend (while we're at it. she has no boobs, and the part where he was working on that area looked like a gay sex video). it must be pretty sad being an unknown amateur pornstar, fading back into middleclass obscurity. at least tammy has the option of going down the same road as annabel chong. then again, an imbecile who goes "ew! i see blood" probably doesn't deserve any fame (or infamy) whatsoever. don't mind me, just musing.
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my template's screwing up and that is making me a very unhappy boy indeed. how are people going to tag! or link to other blogs! or access my archives! ):
and i must say that i never knew pop culture could be so educational! seriously, you think many people knew what "vendetta" or "emancipation" meant before natalie portman shaved her head and mariah carey decided to be a screaming comeback queen? or how about "vindicated" and "prerogative". this is so unfair. this is why i do not like pop culture. what's the point of being educated when un-educated half fucks can learn things by the graces of some random, slutty pop tart.
why "vendetta" anyway? why not "viagra" or "vagina"? or even "virginfuck" or "vasectomy"? i think hollywood should just stick to selling sex instead of cheeminology. works much better.
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tomorrow, it finally begins. BMT was good cos everyone was still together in one place, and it felt like a home, in an odd way. seeing all those familiar faces was comforting.
now, with most of the guys going to command school and the remnants scattered all around singapore, it's going to feel much more alien and lonely. apparently, travel time to where i'm supposed to go to will clock about 2 hours. not very good when i'm supposed to report at 8 tomorrow.
i know i'll make new friends and everything will end up fine, but it's just very intimidating at this point in time. this is where the real NS begins.
mike just took up your time at
5:11 pm
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